Poker Jealousy, and How it Can Affect Your Game.

There's going to come a time during your poker life when you become “self aware”, for lack of a better term. What I mean is, you're going to start realising when you are playing well and when you are playing badly, when you are riding the rush and when you are just smacked by a cold deck. And all this will happen in real time, you will pick up on these factors as they happen. This is extremely common and is a great place to reach as you learn your way through poker. There are some side effects of this, as you will also become acutely aware of how everyone one else is playing around you in real time as well, especially if you already know a players' tendencies and playing style. If you have a certain personality trait, which I begrudgingly admit I do, the result can affect your game just as much as steaming/tilting.

This trait is called Jealousy.

Let's face it. No one is completely disappointed to see their best friend fail. It's just a fact of life. But to see them outperform and achieve better results than you can get to you. And the effect is SO much worse if it's a player you don't like on a personal level or you don't think much of their game. What follows is mostly referring to live ring games/buy-in tournaments, not your standard 888PL freerolls.

Countless times I've been grinding away in Casinos for hours on end for a net loss only to see a player who thinks 5-bet shoving pre with A10o is a correct play come in and destroy tables as I sit there and watch, dumbfounded about what I'm actually seeing. Getting stacks in with mediocre top pair type hands, not folding draws to all-ins, you name it, I've witnessed it. And it does my head in. It seriously, properly, puts me on life tilt. Especially when I don't like the player in question anyway. But the WORST, the ABSOLUTE WORST thing they can do that makes me either leave the table or go for a walk to clear my head, is hearing them try to justify their actions without having a single clue what they are on about. It's always one of two things:

1. Using poker terms they've heard other people use/seen on TV.

• “I had the right odds” (Usually said by those who call massive all-ins with flush draws, with NOWHERE near the right odds)
• “I knew he didn't have anything” (Yes, but his Ace high was good until you hit your straight draw)

And the coup-de-grace:

• “I was pot committed” (And your reason for calling a raise with 63o, and calling an all-in with a gut shot was?)

2. “I won didn't I? That means it was the right play.”

I want to make it perfectly clear that I WANT players to play like this. It pleases me no end to see.

I just hate it when it works for them.

And when I say I hate it, I loathe it.

And when I say I loathe it, it makes to rip my own arm off just so I have something to hit them with (Bonus points for the reference).

It is very true that variance in the long run will knock these players for six, while those of us who grind the more textbook way will laugh, looking over them from atop our giant pile of money. Assuming of course, you don't go insane or murderous before then. Which if you let this affect you, trust me, you're already on the fast track. I know from experience how badly my game suffered before I gained control of this.

When it come to this there a few things you can do:

1) DO NOT sit with them. Sounds simple, and it is. In ring games you have the right to move between tables at any time, depending on the rules of the room you are playing in. In Adelaide Casino for example, you can move freely between any table of the same limit as long as it doesn't advantage/disadvantage tables numbers wise and a Pit Boss gives you the all clear.

2) DO NOT stack off to them. Or more to the point, don't stack off to them in situation where you usually wouldn't. Again, very simple. But in the heat of the moment, surprisingly hard to control at first. Calling off with a draw/marginal holdings where you usually wouldn't just because you feel an opponents range is wider due to previous play, it's a recipe for disaster in the long run if you still have your emotions involved. And if you were annoyed before imagine how bad it would be to hand all your chips over due to a bad play on your behalf.

3) DO NOT get involved trying to explain where they are wrong. Some people are more prone to this than others. But hearing a bad player using reasoning and terminology in completely the wrong way while raking in chips, it annoys us all. But people, poker players in particular, are never wrong. Especially ones that are winning. They will argue black is blue and vice versa to maintain they are in the right. All it will do is increase frustrations at the table (yours and theirs) which is bad for 2 extra reasons

• If you annoy them enough they may leave the table with the money they've won, which you never want a weak player to do.
• You may come across as a bit of a dick, which is not preferable unless that is the table image you are after. I find it better to go with the flow and glide under the radar. The less focus on me, the less chance my big hands get noticed in advance.

4) DO NOT stay at the table if you can feel yourself getting frustrated, be it with their play, their personality or anything else they are doing as well. Whether you walk away or leave entirely is a judgement call, but not you need to get right if its starting to affect you.

This section will tell of my experiences with my friends/colleagues and how I deal with their success.

My friends are good at poker. Some better than others, obviously. Some are mainly experienced in tournament free rolls only, while some like me have branched out in other Poker variants and play ring games, ohama etc. quite well. Out of my friendship group, I feel I am one of the better players, if not the best, as arrogant as that may come across. That's not to say they don't whip me as much as I whip them when we play. Some of the best games I've ever played have been games with my mates, as we all know each other so well our hand ranges and reads are spot on most of the time.

But when it comes to playing against unknowns, knowing which lines to take to achieve maximum value, which pots to maximise and which to control, the odds against player ranges etc., I feel my experience (I've played more often against a wider range of players in wider range of venues) makes me a better player than them.

So when we go to same venue and play the same stakes and they walk away 4 buyins up and I walk away 2 buyins down (usually a difference of $1000-$2000) it really does enrage me. How can this be? I am a better player! If I was in their spot I would be making even more money than they are right now! How, when they get QQ, do they flop top set on a dry board and the get re-raised on the flop while when I get QQ I get called down by K3o on an AAKxx board? What gives?

The answer is... I have no idea. I honestly don't know what to make of it sometimes. It truly is just a question of table dymanics, table image, player history and pure dumb luck. You just have to not let it worry you. You have to concentrate inwards and find a way of coming to peace with the fact that poker is not fair. Repeat: Poker is not fair.

It's even worse when a friend of yours runs deep in a big buy-in tournament. Obviously you want them to do well, but the pangs of jealousy grow and grow with every pot they rake and every elimination going on around them. As much as I want them to ship the game, I would be quite happy to see them bubble at the same time. Disgraceful, I know. But that's the way it for me. And I know I'm not alone. If you can honestly look at yourself and say you are completely happy and fine with your friends success while you are having none, you're a better person than I am. I would be more than happy for anyone I know to ship events left right and centre, as long as I am doing better.

Perfect example, the other day I played a $75 tournament at the casino. I was knocked out in 7 hands, after trapping perfectly and getting 3-outed on the river. My mate ran perfectly, picked up Aces and Kings several times each and went on to ship the tournament. I couldn’t watch. As much as I wanted him to win, I would’ve been happier if he got knocked out just after me. Because I’m greedy and want to be the best.

And that’s my final point. Jealousy is not a good thing. It can hurt your game in so many ways. But it is also necessary in my case. I need that as motivation. I can’t stand not being the best at any one time, so I work as hard as possible to make sure I give myself the best chance to prevail.

In the long run, variance will catch up to us all. In the meantime, find a way to deal with the bad situations this game puts us in and improve your game along the way. That way, when everything finally falls in your favour, you be able to take full advantage of it. And make all of your friends/enemies jealous of you for a change.